March 10: Largin it up

I suppose I am a natural first-time mother. The thought of labour terrifies me. Over the last few months, I'm sure I have sub-consciously crossed my fingers and toes for a small baby. I've thought: 'I do not want to squeeze out a ten-pound turkey cum watermelon. I want a nice compact tiny bundle that slips out easily and leaves my nether regions nicely intact, thank-you very much.'
But now I've got a 'small baby', I don't want one. I don't want an 'off-the-chart' tiny child who I'm too scared to pick up. I want a normal healthy baby that doesn't involve any more bloomin scans and fits into normal-size baby-grows.
I don't know whether it will help Bump or not but I have decided to go on a mission to get fat. None of this 'worried about my weight' business. It's time to large it up.
Today, I ate:
Three fat slices of toast for breakfast, with peanut butter and honey (it's good honestly.. it's not just me being pregnant).
Fried egg on toast for lunch
One big banana
A whole large pot of Onken (strawberry and whole grain)
An enormous baked potato with a huge pot of chickpea casserole
Three caramel Digestives.

I'm so full, I feel absolutely sick. I feel like I'm on fat camp, or in some horrendous, perverse torture reality TV show where the fattest wins £1 million. Each mouthful near the end, I wanted to store food in my cheeks like a hamster. I'm not sure - even for Bump - whether I can keep it up. Perhaps the fat look's just not for me.