April 16: Ailments

Each week in yoga, I am asked how I am by the teacher. Each week, I smile and say 'fine' (well, I think just for one week I made up a bit of back-ache as I'm not sure she believed me anymore). But in all honesty, it's true. All the other women, usually, have some bodily gripe or other. A sat-upon nerve. Itchy, twitchy legs. A bad neck. A sore toe (don't think that will be down to the pregnancy though).
I've finally, however, thought of an ailment. My nipples - believe it or not - get breathtakingly freezing and so so very painful I feel like they are icicles about to fall off and shatter on the ground. It's been like this for months. I don't know why they are like this. It's not like they have grown. They don't protrude in a Madonna pinnacle-shaped bra. They are not at the top of a summit. And they certainly aren't on display. Often, when I'm out, even on mild days, I feel the 'big chill' coming on. But as soon as it starts, it's at the point of no return. I know they are going to hurt, and hurt for a good few minutes, and that the pain is going to get worse until I somehow manage to warm them up again. To date, my method of 'warming' has not been very scientific. I simply rub them. Or put my hands over my boobs. Or, if at home, engage the hair dryer with the task. Or something like that. I was walking down the 'frozen meat' aisle of Cardiff's Asda the other day, when I was struck down and had to 'delve in'. My sister said: 'For Goodness sake, will you stop that. I live in Cardiff. I might know people.'
I wonder if anyone else has the same 'ailment'. If so, why are there no contraptions to remedy it? Why has no one invented the bear-skin bra with extra insulation? I'm wondering whether to surprise my yoga teacher with this next week. Yes, I'm fine - except for my nipples. Do you think it will go down well? More importantly, do you think there will be a stretch to fix the problem? Is there a 'nipple position?'