March 29: Hypno-mother

Hypno-birthing began. It was full-on. No Paul McKenna. But a lot of info. First, I learnt about the female body, how it's supposed to work in labour, the different sorts of muscles involved in contractions - or surges, as hypno-birthers prefer to call them. There are the long ones that push the baby down, and the circular ones that largely go 'help, that hurts, I know I'm meant to open up but there's no way on earth I'm doing it; I'm going to get tighter and tighter'. That's what happens when a woman becomes fearful. The very things that are meant to relax, don't; in fact, they do the opposite.
In labour, I was told, there are heaps of things that can make you perhaps not want to relax. Really? I didn't know.
These can be midwives trying to hurry you along. If you are too slow at labouring, they often give you some drug or other which makes the 'surges' stronger. The downside to this is that they hurt more, so women often want an epidural, which again can slow things down as a woman can't feel to push, and then all sorts of things can happen.
The aim of the hypno-birthing is not to promise to avoid pain. But to make the woman as relaxed as possible through practicing techniques and trying to get rid of the fear before the birth commences. You are meant to 'trust your body that it knows what to do' - and let it get on with it.
I watched two videos of hypno-birthing. God, I must say, it looked pretty bloody fantastic. I wouldn't have too many complaints if I managed to pull it off like that. The women were calm, relaxed, not shouting or screaming, getting on with it. The only gross bit was the actual birth. Blood, guts, gunge, a baby's head appearing out of a vagina and wriggling around like an alien. Do they have to wriggle when they come out?
I think I'm still new to it all. I was a bit overwhelmed by the intricacies and intimacy of birth. Perhaps more videos are in order.